#hashtag

Can people please stop saying these words:

hashtag

clutch

Lol  (just laugh damn it)

Also…

I’m tired of hashtag sentences! #ifitcantbeonewordjustdontuseahashtag

If it can’t be one word just don’t use a # at all!  (preach)

Acronyms! Don’t even get me started on all these new ones! Unless you are NATO, no no!

NATO – The North Atlantic Treaty Organization

Yeah, I’m old!

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Happy Birfday to me…

Hello again, world wide web. Does anyone even call it that anymore? It was the net then the web. Now it’s a cloud. I’m wondering if someone is trying to find themselves.  Well, so am I! I took a hiatus from being depressed and hairy as I was preparing to get married!!! I know no one missed me on the blog. Pssh! Now i’m depressed again man. I don’t have much of a presence here. But that’s okay. The five people that have read my posts (sorry) are no doubt thankful for the absence. Okay, I’m going to see if I get a single view.

If I can get one like, I will know there is at least one person out there that is a glutton for punishment!

Here’s to you, oh yee of little taste!!  Happy Pagan Holiday!!!

Like Me Like Me Like Me! Oh someone out there please like me. I’m turning 34 tomorrow! For every like I get I promise to…pluck an eyebrow hair!

#hairy #birthday #lonely #sadface #eyebrow #likeme #hashtag

5 Tips From An Average Extraordinaire

Take five minutes to read this over and over…

1.) Cry during an Interview and still land the job

2.) Don’t get a college education but tutor your friends so they pass

3.) Be overwieght, but have a pretty face (butter body)

4.) Be funny enough to make everyone laugh, but not funny enough to make money

5.) Cook well, but you don’t make anyones favorite dish

 

Now go eat out of boredom and you’re on your way.

 

This lazy post was brought to you by PMS.

Golfie!

Oh Golf. Why did he introduce us? Me the wife, you the mistress. Like an old Italian movie, we have learned to live side by side. But something has gone wrong. I’ve gone all Frida Khalo with it and have been seduced by you and what’s worse is, I kinda love it. You filthy beautiful expensive demanding puttana! “He knows!”

Seriously though, golf is slowly making me a believer. In myself. It shows me that dilligence and hard work pays off. NO, i’m not seven years old. I’m aware that at 33 one should already know these things. But in this mysterious jaded world, sometimes even the best fall hard and give up. Golf is reminding me of who I am. I’m not a quitter. I’m a dreamer and a doer.

Golf, she seems to stir passions in me  that settled like dust on a bottom shelf many years ago. Passion for life. To try harder! To drive harder. To putt longer. To not pick up my ball while my husband is turned around buying me a beer! Yeah I did that. Integrity.

I’m actually learning to be patient and instead of scorning a bad shot, I strategize on how to make a bad shot good again. Or take it with stride and say, “I’ll just chip it in.” I even putted from the fairway once as an experiment. My hubby’s bad idea.

In the words of an immortal cool cat, “I too like to live dangerously.” -Austin Danger Powers

Isn’t that what life is? Just trying to turn it around and save our game. Taking risks. Stepping back to assess and re-assess. Yes? My life has been a series of bad shots. But now I feel like it’s all within my grip. Life. Wholeness. Happiness. Dreams. Goals. Passion. VISION.

I feel grateful to God and my husband for bringing me a challenge. A healthy wholesome hobby that is helping me look at life and myself in a clearer way. My husband says, “short-term memory loss is good” in golf. In essence, the quicker you rebound from a bad shot the better. You can move on to a solution with a positive attitude. Make it happen. My husband embodies this, and now, i’m getting there too. In golf and in my life.

The past has passed. Time for new shots. New chances. A new me. (And my new cute golf accessories)

Oh and did I mention I burned 1200 calories in three hours. Sweet deal ladies!

I’m off to the driving range. Shhh. Don’t tell my husband.

Immigration Reform and the Christian Conscience

I spent many hours reading about the lives of Jesus and his saints and angels. There are so many hundreds of millions that have followed Him. In his name, by His saints and follwers, wonderful acts are inspired all over the world.Iget excited when one person decides to follow my blog. Imagine having billions of followers over centuries and centuries.

In light of spending a whole work day learning about these wonderful beings acting in love for Jesus’ Glory…I have decided that this issue of immigration reform right now means the world to me. I have decided not to sit on the sidelines and to make this a partof my mission and ministry. Here is a small exerpt of a speech by Archbishop José H. Gomez made to the rotary club of los angeles back in January 2013. The speech is entitled Immigration and the Next America, which is the name of his book as well. 

“In the name of enforcing our laws, we’re breaking up families. Punishing kids for the
mistakes of their parents. That’s the sad truth – one out of every four people we deport
is being taken away from an intact family.

My friends, we’re talking about souls not statistics. We’re talking about fathers who
without warning, won’t be coming home for dinner tonight. Parents who may not see
their families again for a decade. We’re talking about kids suddenly left without a mom
or a dad.

We’ve also come to accept a permanent underclass of men and women who are living at
the margins of our society. They care for our children. They build our homes and clean
our offices. They harvest the food we eat. But they have no rights, no security, and right
now — they have no reason to hope that things are ever going to get better.”

-Most Reverend Archbishop Jose H. Gomez

Jesus and his disciples were often strangers in a strange land throughout His ministry and depended on the charity and generosity and openness of others. Jesus ministered and preached where He was welcome, despite territory or barriers that others observed. Who are we to make divisions? I follow Jesus. Someday, He might ask me to cross a border for a better life, for family or for a mission. I hope I will be met with warmth,love and kindness. 

I finally made it! Proverbs 31 Gal!

Image

I have always wanted to be recognized as just such a woman by others. I have strived to be a better woman everyday, especially since I got married in November 2013. My husband gave me this as a gift the other day. It was a surprise. I am a definite work in progress. But I work towards one goal and one goal only. Well, I do have other earthly goals, but none that compares to HEAVEN, and none that I work so hard to achieve. I need to remember that we are to bear good fruit and be a reflection of Christ. It’s not easy to live for God, always thinking if He would approve of this decision or that outfit and even my posts. BUT…the reward is great in Heaven as Jesus tells us!

This goes out to all my fellow followers of Christ. Let’s just get out of His way and let Him lead us to a better future. Follow His ways. His ways arent our ways. His ways are always best!!!  Peace my beautiful peeps!! XOXOXO Jeremiah 29:11

Lions, Zombies and Scripture, OH MY!!!

Lions, Zombies and Scripture, OH MY!!!

Trying to interpret my dreams with the help of scriptural symbolism. Had three dreams in two days that could’nt have been more nerve wracking. I didn’t wake up scared at all, which is good but I did wake up scracthing … Continue reading

Love is Stronger Than Pride!

c45b6d0dec453d406384a0773f43ddf6So about that unemployed business. I talked about it last night. 33 and jobless. Sounds like a good ad for a dating website. Heck, three years ago I would’ve dated me! But here’s some juice for thought.

Ehem. Yesterday I was juicing oranges that I had left over from my in-laws. Yes, I juice my own oranges. After I milk the cow and before I churn the butter I juice my oranges. My in-laws are nice people, who just so happen to be agricultural workers outside of Bakersfield, in McFarland. It is a far land. Our visits are usually five hours round trip without traffic.

So these delicious oranges I squeeze after the cow and before the butter are all harvested by them, organic and superb!

Okay, so this is what usually happens. When we are ready to leave they go into the back yard and pick a million bags of oranges. Then we (my hubby and I) go to all the relatives we know giving away oranges like mad. We keep like three big bags and we never finish the oranges! Then there are fruit flies! oh boy.

So I tell my husband, don’t take so many this time. No es bueno.

His sister is carrying the bags to our car and I feel like an asshole already because i’m not helping. I don’t know why, i’m lame sometimes? She is strong as an OX though. And we get to the trunk and she says in English, which she really doesn’t do too often, “this is good. you can sell .”

And I love her. I love my in-laws. They are so kind and so humble and so quiet. They laugh when it’s funny and they’re reverent when it calls for it. They are just cool. They like me and respect me…so that’s nice. They work six days a week. and there kids have no babysitter. They just trust that everything will work out fine. They remind me of my grandpa because they just do it. They have fruit tress and roses that would make the Queen of England jealous. Its a nice place to be. They love God and Family and my husband….so to me they are alright.

But this selling of the oranges business!! When she mentioned I sell them…I immediately saw myself at an orange juice stand with little cups and picktail braids. Or like how they do in the Hamptons. “Take oranges leave cash, I trust you”, kind of business.

It didn’t even occur to me to that she probably meant to get out there on the street/freeway entrance and sell oranges. The way so many of our people (in my culture) do. Not to be a jerk, but it never occurred to me until I started juicing the oranges. Then I felt bad. Why didn’t it occur to me? Why am I so daft sometimes? Would i actually do it? Would they call me a wetback? They already see my in-laws this way. Would my husband be proud, curious or ashamed?

Would I be proud, curious or ashamed? Because when I see young men selling flowers and fruit, I smile at them. I DONT PITY THEM! Sometimes I may even buy something, if the planets align and i’m stopped at a red light. I smile and think, “He’s doing everything he can! good for him! No sign needed here!” I’m proud that “my people” are not a lazy people.

But what about me? Why is this good enough for them but not me? Why is this their best and my last last last resort? Who do i think i am?

Just who do we think we are?!

One of my sisters recently called my brother in-law a wetback. she said they were wetbacks. And the most damning part was I didnt say anything to rebuke it. I didnt stand up for them. I just kinda stayed quiet and was taken back a bit. First of all, you don’t say anything to her without world wars ensuing. So i let it pass. I don’t know if she meant it, or if she was just trying to stick up for me. He made a comment about me looking like a “white girl” because i got highlights. I wasn’t offended really really. surprised mostly. everyone has their own style. hes got his boots and i have my caramel colored hair. we cool. i genuinely like the guy.

The backlash…the immediate response was….”WETBACK”

If you say it about him, then you’re saying it about my husband and that’s where a fine line is drawn.

What could they say about us i wonder? hmmm.

I wondered though. Could i do it? Would i ever? What would they call me? Say?

“Oh just cuz she married a wetback doesn’t mean she has to sell oranges”

I’d love to say to you that i’m going to grab those oranges and sell them proudly. I’m not. But I am proud that I belong to a family that isn’t too proud at all. They dont place themselves in the place of honor at the banquet table the way my family and I do. I’m just being honest. I have used wetty (wetback) or chunthi more times than I can say. But thats the first time it hurt. Because it’s a slap in the face of my husband. And in time that will be rectified.

Its like when you say RETARDED! Then you have a child that has autism or some developmental disability and now its the worst word ever. It stings when you hear it. Or when you say NIGGER and/or NIGGA and then you happen to fall in love with and have a beautiful black baby with someone. If someone says that…..its like acid in your ears.

I realized that I may be too egotistical to sell oranges on the freeway. But i’m not too shallow to recognize what i found. A new family that is teaching me what life is really about. Walking humbly. Having a quiet spirit. Not taking too much. Giving back. Not priding oneself above another. Hard work. Real work. Familia. Respect. Generosity. They arent perfect. They arent stylish. They arent great looking. But like one of my favorite scriptures in the bible says….

“Charm is deceptive, beauty is useles; the woman who is wise is the one to praise.

May she enjoy the fruits of her labor and may all praise her for her works.” -Proverbs 31:30-31

So this is dedicated to my sister in-law Monica. Your hands are eaten by the vines you tend,but your heart is tended by the hands of God. And to my humble kind husband…You are my rock. You deserve God’s finest.

 

 

 

(Stop saying wetback assholes!)

Word of the Day!!!

IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE: if you enjoy good grammar and punctuation, its asleep right now.  it’s almost midnight after all. but something just occurred to me. i had to stop and come directly to this blogging site and write about myself. so far im sucking. but what else is new? har har har. i can write about what i love with such passion…JESUS. He makes me feel good warm and safe. You really can’t go wrong there.

but im not writing about Jesus. im writing about me and my life and after midnight that is scary. okay. sidebar: im 33 and a quarter.

i am choosing to be unemployed for the time being so i cant complain there. but others can and im sure they do from time to time. oh i get it all the time from my family.

“you’re not doing shit.”

we work for a living.”

i went to work today.”

“are you crazy?!”

my fave was…”you arent as fortunate as your brother. he is doing what he loves and youre not.”  ooof!

how about if i go ripley on everyone and blow torch the place?! (aliens)

okay…so i’m job searching five weeks after quitting my three jobs. yes three. one full-time and two part-time.

I was doing what i loved though! so what happened damn it? 

depression. I was newly married and my life was (still is) rosy. I’m happy with who i am. i am a wonderful woman. great sex life, and marriage is super. but all of sudden i just hated going to work. The work that i loved and had such passion for…just felt mundane. more than mundane….life sucking. my body started to hurt and my heart just followed behind.

i was a wonderful loving supportive one-of-a-kind caregiver. what was once my heart and soul…just started to feel back breaking and sad. it didnt help that i had to find a new job because my work place cut all our hours. just the caregivers, not the nurses. and my new job was filled with less than gracious women. i knew i had to get out when i started to cry at work. id be mopping the floor crying silently to myself. making a bed, crying. sitting on a toilet pretending to poop, crying.

so many hungry jobless people and im crying?!!! i have three jobs and a fully employed hubby and im crying?!!! wtf mate?!

depression is a confusing thing eh. so, i’m here. i started this blog so i could kick depressions a**!

i feel better already, see!

anyway…back to the reason behind my midnight rant. i have known several women my age that have gone beyond me in their careers and education. we all started off at the same level. same background, education and IQ. even the same looks…though i was way more outgoing and charming. and yet…ive seen them one by one keep going higher and higher and higher.

and as i lay on my bed browsing more entry-level jobs…entry level…i wondered why i never kept going at any of it. why did i always stop myself short and watch? why did i allow them to get by me knowing that it couldve been me? why didnt it hurt more, sting more? and more importantly…why should i care now? shouldnt i just swallow this last pill down again and just take what i can scrape up for myself? hasnt that been enough all this time? why should it change now?

if anyone read my last blog post, which i doubt. i say Jesus and everyone generally runs. but if you did read it…you will notice i have a passion for something other than the world and my place in it. the world says, do do do! be be be!!! get get get!!

Jesus says i already did! you already are! and you already have! thats why my depression stopped. even though my chips appear to be down, i know i still have my ace in the hole. once i turned my care unto Him….my tide turned.

No, i don’t have a job. im still pretty jobless. But i have Hope for a new future. and happiness is delivered fresh to my door step daily. my life looks pretty boring and sucky. it looks small….like im not doing shit. and everyone is so far ahead…im just a distant memory now. sometimes i do wish i had gone farther and surpassed them all. achieved my goals and dreams. i wonder if i make god proud in my small microscopic life. or does he want me to be like David and do great things. i get tempted to fall into a pit of fear. fear of my future. fear of regret. and then i remember.

i am not of this world. this world is fleeting. and yes for the time being i need money and down here its a necessity. but what about the other necessities. like Grace. and kindness and faith. I have all those things and yet if you stood me next to my peers…they say im not doing shit. it hurts to be judged by anyone. let alone the ones you love most. im either a stepford or a jesus freak or a self-righteous judgie wudgie. or a house wifey. blah blah blah.

im not doing much in the way of earning things down here. thats true. but in Gods eyes, i hope im earning favor and blessings and rewards in heaven that far surpass anything i can do, be or get down here. I hope my life is worth more to God than all the CFO’s of this world. I hope that in my hurt, my failure and my past regrets that God sheds a light on all the things I passed up. That it be made fruitful now. That my tree bears good fruit and my harvest is so plentiful that I need help to reap the fields of blessing from above.

im not a great person. im not even sure if im a good writer or story-teller, but i am a good person. and if thats all i have to offer the world right now, then so be it. God has plans for me. When i started this post….i thought i knew what i was going to say. But God had to have the last word. and The Word is HOPE. Jeremiah 29:11 HOPE.

The Greatest of These…

I dedicate this post to The Holy Spirit and God who inspired me to share my testimony with you. To the great prophets and preachers of the bible and of God’s heart…thank you for obeying his commands. And for My Lord who saves, thanks is not even a shade compared to what You have done for me. So the only way I know how to share with You these feelings of gratitude is to go back to the moment I fell in love with You. It was the scripture You brought me to that made me truly believe in every fiber of my being that You heard and saw my sufferings. That you were there with me for every mournful prayer and every fallen tear.

“But He caught me – reached all the way down from sky to sea; He pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be LOVED!”

Psalm 18:16-19

I will share my story Lord, if it please you. I hope one person can find healing in Your love. I hope one person can find comfort in knowing that we are never truly alone. I have put this off for years. I was afraid of chastisement and rejection. Afraid my skills were not good enough, or that I would find the pain all over again. That I would be alone. That I would cause others pain.

But, The Holy Spirit is our encouragement and our comfort from The Father. I ask Lord, that Your Spirit guide, comfort and encourage me to be brave and courageous. My life is so small, but Lord you can do great works through my small life. My story can shed light on You Divine Grace and mercy, Lord.

I also want to dedicate this journey to my husband. This morning he blessed me with his comfort and absolute unconditional love and support. In one sentence he said to me what every woman and girl alive needs to hear and yearns to hear. It mirrors so much of Christ’s love for us. He said, “You are never alone. I’m here for you, whatever you need to heal your pain, whatever you want, I’m here to support you and protect you. Do what u need to do so you can heal and be the best person you can be. I will protect you and you will never be alone again. I’m here with you, forever.” This gives me strength and courage my love, thank you.

My story isn’t a pretty one. It’s very sad, ugly and depraved at times. But it’s the only one I have. I’m not ashamed of what I’ve experienced. I understand that nothing is ever in vain and through my pain and journey from shame to redemption in Christ, I pray you find what you need to heal.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I THINK towards you. PLANS to prosper you, NOT to harm you. Plans to GIVE YOU a new HOPE and A NEW FUTURE.”

Wherever you are, whatever you may be experiencing…just Know that Almighty God is THINKING about you and your life and your future in great detail. HE has plans for you. Great plans! He thinks about us all the time…and what He wants to give us a beautiful life. We just have to turn our eyes and HEARTS to Him and wait patiently and obediently. I know He will do the rest.

I hope my story and The Inspiration (LOVE) behind my sharing will reveal God’s love for you. Will bring you hope and faith.

The greatest of these is LOVE.